The Beginning of my Repentance

About 14 years ago I had an epiphany that changed the direction of my life. At the time I was living with my family in a beautiful house located in a rural area of southwest Washington State, a little town called Brush Prairie. The house was surrounded by tall fir trees and looking out the windows, especially on a misty winter's day, was like watching the opening credits of Twin Peaks. The state of my soul at the time was like watching an episode of Twin Peaks. . .nothing much made sense, but there was hope the director would eventually resolve all the loose threads. On the day of my epiphany I was sitting in my bedroom struggling to write, and wrestling with an intense feeling of disappointment about my life. I think this happens to all of us sooner or later. . .something brings us face to face with the transient nature of everything in this life and we panic. There was a volatile mixture of hope and despair in my heart that had been brewing for some time. But on that day as I looked through my bedroom window at those tall, unyielding fir trees. . .I saw myself quite clearly. I saw myself as the only one of God's creatures that fought Him. The trees never complain. They never grow bored. They never look for another job. They aren't mean to their neighbors. They never refuse to produce seed. They are more righteous than me. Way more righteous. They accept their "being-ness" in humility and serve God with no fanfare. On that day in Brush Prairie I was shamed by the fir trees that surrounded me. I was shamed by all of God's creation that serves Him faithfully and without complaint. I hope that at the end of my life, when I am judged, this epiphany will be deemed by God as the the beginning of my repentance.