You Don't Smile Enough

One of the advantages of being married more than once (Ed. note: I'm being a little ironic here. . .believe me, whatever advantage there is, it is violently outweighed by all the confusion, pain, and openings for demonic invasion a divorce causes in most cases. However, I do acknowledge and understand that there are times when a divorce is the lesser of two evils.) is that you get the chance to compare notes from two very different spouses about your behavior. It's humbling to realize that the problem wasn't/isn't "her". A consistent piece of feedback I've received is that "You don't smile enough." or something along those lines. (That observation has sometimes been phrased a little, uh, less diplomatic at times. . .but this my blog.) Years ago I bristled at that comment. . .then over time I started seeing it as true. . .and now I tend to just sort of drop my head and ask God, "What the hell is wrong with me?" I read something today that shed a little light on the subject, and I wanted to share it with anyone else who suffers from a melancholic nature. Once again, it's taken from the Road To Emmaus interview with Fr. Artemy.

When our Lord says that we must become like children to enter the kingdom of heaven, this means that we are really to be child-like: joyful, modest, hopeful, radiant with love, not weighed down or grimly burdened, because it is not by our merit that we have the grace of our Lord, but by His mercy. We are unworthy, but nevertheless grace is present. We are to be serious in only one aspect; how to preserve this grace, how not to lose it. When we come to know how to cry out like a child before the face of our Heavenly Father, we will understand what it is to be joyful in Him.

The demons are very serious in their attempt to ruin us, and we should oppose them by the spirit of blagosushestvovanie: by being calm and radiant, hopeful and peaceful, content and grateful in our inner feelings of total dependence on God. As He is the Most Wise, the Most Loving and Strong, who can hinder you from saving your soul? No one. Just as we are to be tolerant towards other's errors and shortcomings, we are also to be patient with ourselves. We are not to require too much from ourselves. We should know our possibilities and be sure that we are not omnipotent. We are weak; the only thing we can really do is to want to be saved, and to pray to God. . .The demons' intention is to make a person aspire to impossible heights, so that he does not value his real place and forgets to be grateful to God. In this constant seeking for a higher place you can become the slave of pride, which St. John of the Ladder says, 'raises you up to heaven and dashes you to the abyss.' (my emphasis) It is a sign of spiritual maturity to have this peaceful humor. It has nothing in common with earthly irony, or cynical boldness, but is the manifestation of inner spiritual treasure hidden deeply in a pious praying heart.

May God grant it.