Hell

The Orthodox understanding of Hell has been enlightening to me. Simply put (perhaps too simply) - the Orthodox Church teaches us that hell is not separation from God in the usual sense. That is, hell is not a place where God sends all the wicked folks in order to punish them and/or get them out of the way. It is not some sort of cosmic torture chamber where the wrath of God is poured out mercilessly on hapless sinners. Rather, the Orthodox Church teaches that Hell is made hellish precisely because those who hate God cannot escape from His all-pervasive love. It is the torment inflicted by trying to escape from the inescapable love of God. Basically. . .Hell is a "relationship thing". God is sweet light to those who love Him, and a consuming fire to those who hate Him.

I don't bring this up to discuss the "theology of Hell" in an abstract way. That sort of thing doesn't interest me. What does interest me are the ways I have encountered something akin to the Orthodox understanding of Hell in human-to-human relationships. I'll give a couple of examples.

Have you ever loved someone who didn't respond in kind? More to the point. . .have you ever been on the receiving end of such affection but didn't want it? I only experienced that in a sort of absolute way, once, as a teenager. A girl I knew really wanted to be my girlfriend, and I couldn't stand her. It was awful. I got to the point where I became almost physically ill every time she spoke to me or even looked at me.

Unfortunately, even when we sincerely love someone. . .such as our spouse. . .our hearts are not always able to receive their love. Our hearts are prone to hardness and coldness. . .at least mine is. What I've noticed in my marriage with Macrina for example, is that sometimes my heart closes before I'm aware of it. I'm beginning to recognize the symptoms of a closed heart: irritability, sullenness, and an obsessive internal dialogue that isolates me from my environment. Once "there", I'm incapable of receiving love and her movement towards me scares me and I "run" in one way or another. It is truly a torment until my heart warms and opens again. . .usually involving repentance towards God.

I never used to think of Hell much. . .it just seemed so remote. Plus, I don't think I could ever envision God as a sadist. So Hell never scared me much. However, the Orthodox understanding of Hell does frighten me. . .to my bones. I've experienced it in small degrees and am familiar with the burns it inflicts. The most frightening thing is my tendency to close my heart to those who love me. . .including first and foremost, God. The struggle of struggles, it seems to me, is to remain open-hearted (trusting and loving) towards God despite our inclination to run and hide like Adam and Eve. The alternative is Hell.