The Way of Salvation

When I began exploring Orthodoxy, Fr. Nicholas encouraged me to start saying the Jesus Prayer ("Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me") over and over, as much as I could. I struggled with this at first because it seemed like "vain repetition". At the time, my life was pretty broken because of the failure of my marriage. . .so I didn't complain. He also encouraged me to embrace other ascetic labors such as standing in long Church services, fasting, etc. Again, I didn't complain, I eagerly obeyed, according to my strength, all that he was guiding me towards. That's just another way of saying that the failure of my marriage had humbled me, and I was willing to listen to someone who had experience that I didn't. But the inevitable happened. The very healing I received from Christ, through these ascetic labors, afforded me the strength to start "questioning things." In a certain way, that is the beginning of the battle of a convert to Orthodoxy. I've won some, and I've lost some of these battles. My spiritual health, like my physical health, oscillates a bit. But I certainly don't think my experience is unique at all.

One of the principle characteristics of spiritual "illness" that I have noticed in this continuing struggle, is a lack of being "present". That is, my level of distractedness is much greater during times when I have the spiritual "flu". I read something in the latest copy of Divine Ascent that sheds a little light on this in an article by Archimandrite Meletios Webber titled, "The Mind, the Heart and the Way of Salvation". Here's a brief quote:

When the mind (as opposed to the heart) looks at the present moment, it sees nothing, or at least nothing worth considering. The mind is much happier working in the past or future, since they are both actually constructs of the mind's own workings, and so the mind feels it can control them. The present moment, however, is completely outside its control, and therefore ignored.

The entire article, which I recommend, is about the difference between the mind and the heart. . .a concept that may seem trivial to anyone who has not been exposed to the teachings of the ancient Church Fathers. In the West the mind has dominated for such a long time, that the idea of the "heart", or more correctly, "the nous" as being the true center of our being, is hardly known. At least that's my experience.

After reading this, I saw something new about the "Jesus Prayer". I can understand why it is called the "prayer of the heart". It is a prayer in the present tense, and as such is not very appealing to the mind. But when the mind calms down a bit, the heart is strengthened by this prayer. I have only just gotten a whiff of it. . .but enough of a whiff to understand something of what a true ascetic experiences when he or she causes their mind to "descend into their heart". They are strengthened in holiness, simplicity. That is, their personalities are re-integrated (healed) from the shattering that took place as a result of the primordial fall. It is the way of salvation.