Comfortably Numb

Rachael quoted C.S. Lewis in a comment to Symbol and Sacrament which I think bears repeating:

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.

C.S. Lewis - The Weight of Glory

Two other Englishmen, Roger Waters and David Gilmour, stated it a little less eloquently:

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

last chorus - Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

The phrase "dealing with what you've been dealt" was Fr. Alexander Schmemann's(+1983) paraphrase of Christ's injunction to "...take up your cross daily, and follow Me." I've heard this phrase since I was a child, and the terror of it has grown steadily over the years. Why? Because somewhere along the line I started thinking that I had to "prove" myself - that I had to be "strong" and "independent" and "self-sufficient" - that this is what is expected of a "real" human being. To be otherwise is to be a "loser." Predictably, the "crosses" (or the "cards" to use Fr. A's metaphor) that God has given/dealt me have kicked my ass numerous times. To make matters worse, rather than struggle with God, in some areas of my life I've opted for the easier way out - I've labeled myself a "wounded person", and prescribed a few "meds" that render me comfortably numb.

But God (the happiest two-word combo I know) doesn't accept my lack of sobriety so easily. He continues to irritate the hell out of me (literally) by shaking me up, waking me up, and asking me things like, "So, do you want to be healed?". Honestly - I don't know. But even if I don't, I pray to God to somehow help me want to - because the life of an addict, no matter how socially acceptable, sucks.