Stuck

I haven't had much time to write lately due to some changes in my schedule. No, it is more accurate to say that I haven't been very quiet lately because of the disruption of my normal routine, and when I'm not quiet my thoughts are in turmoil and none of them are worth writing down. A curious consequence of the lack of inner stillness is that songs have been getting stuck in my head lately. That is something that hasn't happened in a while. I don't understand the mechanism at all, but it's not the whole song - just one particular phrase gets put on heavy rotation in my inner playlist and drives me nuts...in a relentlessly subtle way. I have no idea how they get "chosen", but they are very difficult to eject. The two that have been plaguing me this last week are, "...if you're lost you can look--and you will find me, time after time" (Cyndi Lauper) and "...would you know we're riding on the Marrakesh Express" (CSN&Y). These bits of songs have become gnats flying around my face on a hot and humid summer day - very irritating. It's a shame too - especially with "Time After Time" because that really is a beautiful song.

I've let myself get out of shape - physically and spiritually. This schedule change that I started out blaming, was just the finishing touch on a downhill slide in personal discipline that started a few months ago. I've gotten careless with my prayer rule and now I can't keep unneeded food out of my hands or unwanted thoughts out of my head. The three are very closely related. OK. The first step is seeing it. (check) The second step is admitting it. (check) The third step is repentance. (uhhh...) Lord have mercy.