Metaphysical Suicide

I lost myself today. I condemned my neighbor. It was subtle. It seemed right and felt good. But the life drained from me like water down a sink. Then I read something and remembered who I am:

There is no such thing as an individual. He was created, probably, in a Western European university. We don't recognize our essential communion. I don't look at you and say, "You are my life." Modern interpretations of the commandment in the Torah (Old Testament Law) reflect this individualistic attitude. The first commandment is that you love God with all your mind, all your soul, and all your strength; and the second is that you love your neighbor as yourself. The only way you can prove you love God is by loving your neighbor, and the only way you can love your neighbor in this world is by endless forgiveness. So "love your neighbor as yourself."

However in certain modern editions of the Bible, I have seen this translated as, "You shall love your neighbor as you love yourself." But that's not what it says.

I recall a televised discussion program in which we were asked what was most important in Christianity. Part of what I said was that the only way we can find ourselves is to deny ourselves. That's Christ's teaching. If you cling to yourself, you lose yourself. The unwillingness to forgive is the ultimate act of not wanting to let yourself go. You want to defend yourself, assert yourself, protect yourself. There is a consistent line through the Gospel -- if you want to be the first you must will to be the last. The other fellow, who taught the psychology of religion at a Protestant seminary, said, "What you are saying is the source of the neuroses of Western society. What we need is healthy self-love and healthy self-esteem". Then he quoted that line, "You shall love your neighbor as you love yourself." He insisted that you must love yourself first and have a sense of dignity. If one has that, forgiveness is either out of the question or an act of condescension toward the poor sinner. It is no longer an identification with the other as a sinner, too.

As we were leaving, a venerable old rabbi with a shining face called us over. "That line, you know, comes from the Torah, from Leviticus," he said, "and it cannot possibly be translated 'love your neighbor as you love yourself.' It says, 'You shall love your neighbor as being your own self.' Your neighbor is your true self. You have no self in yourself.

After this I started reading the Church Fathers in this light, and that's what they all say -- "Your brother is your life." I have no self in myself except the one that is fulfilled by loving the other. The Trinitarian character of God is a metaphysical absolute here, so to speak. God's own self is another -- His Son. The same thing happens on the human level.

[Excerpt from "Forgiveness: Breaking the Chain of Evil", by Father Thomas Hopko, Published by Washington Orthodox Clergy Association, June 23, 2003]

Condemnation springs from a heart not interested in forgiveness, and "losing myself" is just a pleasant way of saying I committed metaphysical suicide...unassisted. Unlike assisted suicide...it hurt like hell.