Thomas and Bright Week
Ever since becoming Orthodox, the hardest part of the year for me is always the week following Pascha - Bright Week. The first year it really took me by surprise, especially the depression that I wore like sunglasses to Bright Week Services. I really didn't understand it, and thought it was probably because I had just gotten baptized and the devil was "after me." Maybe so, but year after year I've had the same trouble and this year was the worst yet. By the end of last week, I was starting to get concerned about the state of my soul - depression, irritability, moodiness in general, old passions regaining strength, etc. Then the secondary effects started kicking in - the "feeling guilty about feeling bad" syndrome. It was all I could do to show up at a couple services. Thank God I'm a Reader, because more than anything else that's what got me to Vigil last night and Liturgy this morning. Duty can be a blessing at times, because during Liturgy things started turning around as Fr. David (filling in for Fr. Nicholas) gave the homily.
Today was the first Sunday after Pascha, and on this Sunday the Church always celebrates the "good unbelief" of Thomas . Fr. David pointed out how "curious" this is - that is, the celebration of "unbelief." But in a way, Thomas is misunderstood. Everyone thinks of him as the "doubter." But who or what did he actually doubt? In listening to the gospel this morning, it seemed that Thomas mainly doubted the testimony of his fellow disciples. Given the circumstances, can you blame him? Thomas was no skeptic or cynic - he continued to hang out with the disciples and when the Lord appeared among them again, one week later, Thomas was quick to believe and fling himself to the ground in worship. In short, Thomas had a little trouble with Bright Week as well - that's all.
I took great comfort in this. These psychological "let-downs" happen to us fallen humans, and God is neither surprised nor offended by our weakness. He is patient, kind, gentle, and doesn't hesitate to give us what we require to re-connect with Him. Christ is risen! Truly - He is risen!
