The Updated Publican

I'm currently reading Connect : 12 vital ties that open your heart, lengthen your life, and deepen your soul by Edward Hallowell, most famous for his book on ADD called Driven to Distraction. As I was reading this morning over breakfast I found my bagel and cream-cheese tasting saltier and saltier.

In Chapter Three, Dr. Hallowell tells the story of how he eventually connected with a young man, Mr. S., who suffered with schizophrenia. It is a compelling account. Dr. Hallowell was a resident at "Mass. Mental" (an in-patient mental facility in Boston, I presume) at the time, and one of his assignments was to "just sit" with Mr. S. and "see what happens." He was warned that nothing probably would, so he sat...and sat...and sat. There was no connection between Dr. Hallowell and Mr. S. at all - no conversation, no eye contact, just an occasional chuckle from Mr. S. This went on for weeks. Getting a little tired of this, Dr. Hallowell got an idea - he wrote a line, like an opening line of a poem, on a piece of paper and put it in front of Mr. S, along with a pen. Of course, by this time Dr. Hallowell didn't think this would actually "work", but what the heck. Astonishingly, Mr. S. picked up the pen and wrote a second line in the "poem." Dr. Hallowell wrote another line...etc. until their "poem" was finished. Here is what they wrote together:

Dr. H: They said I am a hopeless case
Mr. S: Not I , a member of the human race, in disgrace
Dr. H: I wish they wouldn't say that
Mr. S: In a nonjoking way
Dr. H: It makes me
Mr. S: Suspicious
Dr. H: And angry and sad
Mr. S: Which aren't the strongest emotions I've had
Dr. H: The strongest are
Mr. S: Composed of these
Dr. H: Combined into
Mr. S: Something I don't want to feel
Dr. H: Something like
Mr. S: Rage, but not quite
Dr. H: Also like
Mr. S: An intense feeling

I don't think I've ever encountered a better summation of the human condition than Mr. S's response to the assertion, "They say I am a hopeless case": "Not I , a member of the human race, in disgrace" - on the one hand denying that he is hopeless, but on the other hand recognizing what a mess he is. In some ways, Mr. S is like an updated version of the publican: Unwilling to look up and attempt a connection with heaven, he can only beat his breast and hope there is mercy in a seemingly God-forsaken world.