Should I or Shouldn't I?

From St. John of Kronstadt...

If you wish to correct anyone from his faults, do not think of correcting him solely by your own means: you would only do harm by your own passions, for instance by pride and by the irritability arising from it; "but cast thy burden upon the Lord," and pray to God "Who trieth the hearts and reins," with all your heart, that He Himself may enlighten the mind and heart of that man. He will infallibly fulfill the desire of your heart if your prayer breathes love.

If you're like me, the word "reins" may throw you a bit. It comes up a lot in Orthodox liturgical materials, and I've always gotten the gist of the meaning from the context. Originally it meant the "lower back and kidneys" and came to mean the seat of deep feelings. It is very similar to our use of "heart". So, "heart and reins" is similar to, "...the bottom of my heart" or some such thing. It's the place in us that knows what it knows and can often remain hidden from our consciousness.

Nobody's Fault But Mine

Our world today is beset by a multitude of unspeakable, deluded, and satanic theories and ideologies that are leading materialistic man toward discouragement and spiritual paralysis.

Thus begins the introduction to the book Obedience is Life. I am certainly one of those who have been wounded by empty ideologies which I chose because they appealed to me on either a sensual or intellectual level. My long years of battling depression surely is related to this. If I have any sense at all, I will spend the remainder of my time on earth resting and doing the physical/noetic therapy prescribed by the Orthodox Church. If I don't...then to quote Blind Willie Johnson,"...ain't nobody's fault but mine."

Struggle - A Faithful Guide

The following quote is snipped from Pastoral Guidance - Chapter 84 from Father Seraphim Rose: His Life and Works.

Fr. Seraphim was very concerned about those who used the riches of Orthodoxy, not to struggle for righteousness, but precisely as a means to escape struggle. He was acquainted with an unwed mother who, out of “religious zeal,” wanted to give up responsibility for her children, putting them in other people’s homes. About her Fr. Seraphim wrote:

If she is relieved of the “problem” of her children, her perdition is almost guaranteed…. She is making a bad mistake in thinking that once she is “rid” of her children she can then begin to think about a convent and real “spiritual life”—because if we do not recognize that our spiritual struggle begins right now with whatever God has given us (and all the more if we ourselves have gotten into a difficult situation!), we will not begin the “spiritual life” later, either. And so, if she only knew, her salvation could lie in her suffering through the raising of her own children; but if she doesn’t suffer this through, then later when she thinks to be starting real “spiritual life,” she’ll find she has nothing at all, and “spiritual life” which begins after we are rid of present problems is only an abstraction. I think all this is true—but the spiritual benefit of “suffering through” comes only if one voluntarily accepts it.

To the mother herself Fr. Seraphim wrote:

We realize that raising your [children] is very difficult for you. But that is the cross God has given you, and I must tell you frankly that you can scarcely receive your salvation in any other way than by trying your best to raise them up well. Spiritual life begins when things seem absolutely “hopeless”—that is when one learns to turn to God and not to our own feeble efforts and ideas.